88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding

There are many guides to wedding etiquette, but none that are written for wedding attendees and guests. As a recent newlywed, I got together with my husband and some of my soon-to-be married friends to compile this list of essentials that every person should know before attending a wedding.

Article by Monica O'Brien
Monica O'Brien’s Website

There are many guides to wedding etiquette, but none that are written for wedding attendees and guests. As a recent newlywed, I got together with my husband and some of my soon-to-be-married friends to compile this list of essentials that every person should review before attending a wedding.

Invitations

  1. Invitations are not like Evites - you can’t forward them to your friends. Covet your invite because you were chosen, not mass emailed to.
  2. The invitation tells you exactly how many people you can bring in addition to yourself, so pay attention!
  3. Your name “and family” means you and your kids/spouse.
  4. Your name “and guest” means you and ONE guest.
  5. Your name only means you are lucky to have gotten an invite to begin with.
  6. Don’t RSVP your children unless they are explicitly invited. Hire a sitter instead.
  7. Don’t assume you can bring your baby because the couple doesn’t have to buy a dinner plate. Some weddings are purposely designated adult only.
  8. You must always send an RSVP, even if you aren’t attending. RSVP’s are not just for affirmative responses, and if you don’t send an RSVP the bride and groom have no idea if you are going to just show up.
  9. When sending an RSVP, follow the bride and groom’s process. Don’t email them if they’ve included a response card in your invitation - it just adds extra stress for them to keep track of multiple communication channels.
  10. RSVP’s must be mailed ahead and reach their destination by the deadline. Having them postmarked by the deadline is not good enough.
  11. RSVP’s must actually give the correct number of attendees. Do your best to give an accurate figure at the time of RSVP.
  12. If your plans change before the RSVP date, let the bride and groom know ASAP.
  13. If your plans change after the RSVP date, you should give a gift equivalent to your original RSVP.
  14. Don’t ask your mutual friends if they’ve received an invite. Choosing who to invite to your wedding is a difficult task, and people get cut for cost reasons.
  15. If you do ask a mutual friend and they were not invited, you will put stress on the relationship between the bride/groom and the mutual friend. So just don’t ask.
  16. Invitation time is the best time to notify the bride and groom of any dietary restrictions you or your guests may have.
  17. Note that I wrote “dietary restrictions,” not “food preferences.” Don’t add extra tasks for the bride and groom unless necessary!

Gifts

(Note: This section has been removed, due to so many complaints about it.)

What to Wear

  1. Dress attire may be specified in the invitation. Pay attention and look at the details of the invite.
  2. The ceremony determines whether the wedding is daytime or evening, as receptions are usually in the evening.
  3. For men, daytime formal dress means a suit in neutral colors like black, brown, or gray.
  4. For men, daytime informal/semi-formal dress means a dress shirt and pants.
  5. For women, daytime formal dress means a cocktail dress.
  6. For women, daytime informal/semi-formal dress means a nice floral printed dress or a business suit.
  7. For men, evening formal dress means a tux. Preferably black, with a white shirt.
  8. For men, evening informal/semi-formal dress means a suit in neutral colors like black, brown, or gray.
  9. Betsey Johnson black metallic brocade cocktail dressFor women, evening formal dress means a formal gown or a cocktail dress.
  10. For women, evening informal/semi-formal dress means a cocktail dress. If in doubt, a little black Betsey Johnson dress works beautifully, or any solid colored dress in cool colors will do.
  11. Rules are meant to be broken, but do not step too far outside these guidelines unless it’s a themed wedding.
  12. In the case of a themed or destination wedding, all bets are off.
  13. If dress attire is not specified, you can take hints from the websites of the church and reception hall.
  14. Do not wear anything too revealing, particularly to the ceremony.
  15. If you are still unsure of how to dress, you can call the MOH/MOB to ask what is appropriate.
  16. For women, do not wear white! White is reserved for the bride, even if she doesn’t wear it.
  17. If purchasing your clothing in advance, consider the season.
  18. Try not to wear the same colors as the bridal party. You can find out the wedding colors in advance by speaking with the MOH/MOB.
  19. Consider your shoe choices carefully. Because you may be wearing these shoes for a good portion of the day as well as the night, choose something comfortable, yet stylish.
  20. Do not call your friends to see what they are wearing! Unless you know for a fact they were invited.

Before You Leave

  1. Make sure you have directions to both the wedding and reception sites.
  2. With any large gathering, parking can be an issue. Make sure you are clear on where to park, and consider carpooling if parking is limited.
  3. Check the weather and traffic patterns, and plan accordingly.
  4. If you are attending a religious ceremony, get a brief overview of how a traditional wedding plays out in that religion. This will help you to be a respectful guest at the reception, even if you do not share the same beliefs.
  5. If there is a gap between the wedding and reception, have a plan to occupy yourself and your guests.
  6. If you have dietary preferences, make sure you pack some snacks, just in case. Or have a plan to eat something before the reception.
  7. Perform a checklist before you leave: make sure you have directions, addresses, gifts, snacks, and an extra pair of shoes just in case.

At the Ceremony

  1. First and foremost: Turn your cell phone off!
  2. If you have any other devices that might make noise, turn those off too.
  3. Don’t even consider vibrate. Vibrate is for people who plan to leave the ceremony if they get an important call. And yes, everyone can still hear your phone vibrating, so don’t be one of those people!
  4. Arrive 30 minutes early.
  5. If you normally arrive late to events, arrive an hour early.
  6. If you arrive late to the ceremony despite careful planning, find an usher to seat you.
  7. If you can’t find an usher, sit in the first empty row from the front. Quietly.
  8. Be respectful of any religious customs you may see at the ceremony.
  9. If in doubt, follow the family’s lead for standing, sitting, kneeling, singing, and praying.
  10. Unless asked, do not take pictures at the ceremony. There may be rules against it, or it may ruin the ambiance of the ceremony.

At the Reception

  1. It is appropriate to speak to the bride and groom, but do not monopolize the their time. Unless it is a small wedding, they have a lot of people to thank throughout the night.
  2. One picture with the bride and groom is enough. Honestly. Most weddings will have a photographer who will take more than enough photos that you can purchase at a later date.
  3. Do not give your gift directly to the bride and groom.
  4. Most weddings will have a gift table where you can place your gift.
  5. If there is no gift table, politely ask a member of the family or bridal party where to put your gift.
  6. If you are worried that your gift will not reach the bride and groom, stop. You will know your gift made it when you receive their Thank You card.
  7. When the DJ announces the bride and groom doing any task (ie: cutting the cake, first dance, etc) it is appropriate to watch.
  8. Remember this is their day, not yours. Curb your Wedding Crashers urge to steal the spotlight.
  9. Only request a song from the DJ if he or she announces that you can. (The bride and groom may have pre-selected their playlist.)
  10. If the dinner is buffet, wait for the DJ to announce a second round. Same goes for getting a second piece of cake.
  11. Open bar does not mean you should get drunk. Please do not make the bride and groom regret inviting you to their wedding by making a scene.
  12. If you forgot to tell the bride and groom about your dietary restrictions with your RSVP, do not bring them up now. Go without eating or discuss the matter with the MOH/MOB in private to find a suitable solution.
  13. Don’t worry about saying goodbye to the bride and groom if they are busy when you leave. They understand and will appreciate your attendance.

After the Big Day

  1. Do not call the bride and groom for at least a month, unless you are family or a member of the bridal party. A new marriage requires a lot of transition, and that takes time past the honeymoon.
  2. Expect a Thank You card within 3 months of the wedding.
  3. If you don’t receive a Thank You card in this time period you should inquire about your gift. But always frame it as “Did you receive my gift?” and not as “I didn’t receive your Thank You card.”
  4. If you want to purchase pictures or a video, ask the MOB/MOH to notify you when they are available. But be prepared to wait, as these items take between 3 months and a year to become available!

Is there anything we left out or missed? Anything we got wrong? Leave your thoughts in the comments section!

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72 Comments

  1. Jennifer Robinson added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    Great article, Monica… thanks for sharing your link from your other site :)

  2. Melissa added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    I don’t know if you did this intentionally or not - but you put the same thing on there three times. I can see how the second time can be for emphasis but by the third time it’s just annoying.

    And just in case you’re wondering it’s “Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.” Under gifts.

    Otherwise, good article.

  3. Jennifer added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    I have never heard of wedding gifts equalling the cost of your plate at the reception. There is really no way for a guest to know what the couple is spending on thir wedding nor should they try to find out. I know most couples spend a lot on their wedding and like to get a nice gift in return but the gift is really up to the giver. In addition, you do not invite people in order to get a gift, their presence is all that is required. Also, all attendees should receive a hand written thank you card whether they gave a gift or not.

  4. Larena added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    I like the list. But it all sounds quite stuck up.

  5. Bethany added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    I think three times is necessary for the original gift comment. Many of our guests stuck to the registry, some deviated in a pretty acceptable manner, but we received an atrocious candle holder. It was not cute, it was not useful, and their gift was promptly donated. It’s backfired thoughtfulness. And really that’s what the whole list is about. If you want to take the time to be a thoughtful guest, these tips are a good place to start.

  6. Monica O'Brien added some style on May 27, 2008 | Permalink

    Thank you for the comments. I didn’t intend for the article to sound pretentious, so that is good feedback for me as a writer. What I do think is that it’s difficult to write a how-to like this because nobody will agree on all the points. As Bethany said, I would consider this article a starting point, rather than an absolute end-all to wedding etiquette advice, because there will always be some exceptions!

    What I would also like to point out is that while nobody invites you to a wedding in order to get a gift, at weddings, “presence” usually isn’t present enough. This is something we’d all like to think because it makes us feel good that we are not materialistic. But expecting a gift from someone is not being materialistic when it comes to your wedding.

    Weddings are monumental, and if you care enough to invite someone to your own wedding it would be very hurtful if they chose not to give you a gift, or gave you a thoughtless one. That’s why I think it’s best to give people what they want for their wedding, as most people go up to their eyeballs in debt and actually need either the cash or the specific items on their registry. You are doing them a disservice by not supporting their gift preferences. What’s important is that someone took the time to follow etiquette guidelines and respect the married couple’s wishes, which is what makes the gift etiquette tips not about material posessions.

    One final thought: to write this article I spoke to many couples, drew on my own experiences, and also researched and double checked certain etiquette tips at popular wedding websites. I do feel this is a strong and accurate list of generally accepted practices for US weddings, so I hope everyone will enjoy having it as a reference as we enter wedding season.

  7. Ashley added some style on May 28, 2008 | Permalink

    I think some of the comments also rely on variables: you are going to have, particularly in the young 20-something set, where their registry will simply be for ideas. You will have couples who are marrying, but have a well stocked house already, and couples who are marrying and actually need the items.

    I actually showed this list to two of the brides whose weddings I’m attending this year, and they both were a bit appalled at the tone of the article, in addition to some of the comments. For them, while presents are nice, they aren’t going to begrudge a financially straddled friend who can’t afford a gift; because they believe their weddings are about celebrating the union with the people in their life they love, not expecting gifts over an X value.

    It’s because of the continual re-enforcement of such rules, that many people who aren’t financially free feel awkward, uncomfortable, scared, or confused about attending weddings. Because they can’t follow the prescribed “etiquette” they may pass up all together on the opportunity to share the love of two people they care about.

  8. Monica O'Brien added some style on May 28, 2008 | Permalink

    Ashley, I understand what you are saying.

    The reason the gift section is so long is because, aside from people who have true financial difficulties in purchasing a gift (which I don’t think is a huge population, if people plan in advance and save a dollar or two a day for a few months), many people are clueless about how to show appreciation for being invited to a wedding.

    Think about the people who can afford a gift and don’t give one. Or re-gift something they found in their basement rather than taking the time to look up a couple’s registry. Is that still okay, in the spirit of friendship? It happens a lot, surprisingly.

    I can’t speak for anyone else. But in my experience with my own wedding, I was shocked at some of the etiquette I saw in all these sections, not just the gift-giving section.

    I’m not trying to harp on people who literally cannot afford the cost of attending a wedding. That is why I see this list as a starting point - there will definitely be exceptions. What I am trying to harp on is that as a guest of a wedding, there are a lot of things you should be considering in terms of behavior and etiquette in order to add positively to the bride and groom’s experience.

    Thank you again to everyone for their comments and I appreciate the honesty of your feedback, because it makes me think harder about what I really meant here.

  9. Angie added some style on May 28, 2008 | Permalink

    Your whole gift section is greedy and non-sense! You should invite people you want there and care for regardless of their gift giving! Shame on you

  10. jen-ftpweddings added some style on May 29, 2008 | Permalink

    As co-owner of a wedding videography company, I’d like to offer an addition to the list.
    -The bride and groom have spent the money to hire a professional photographer and videographer, guests should allow them to do their job without fighting them for shots of events throughout the day. Stepping in front of the photographer or videographer with your consumer digital camera makes doing their job 10x’s harder.
    I cannot tell you how many times I’ve missed the bride walking down the aisle because of an overzealous relative with a camera.

  11. Gina added some style on May 29, 2008 | Permalink

    About gifts…If a guest travels to attend your wedding and must pay for travel and hotel accommodations, it is rude to expect a pricey gift as well. After all, isn’t them being there to share that day with you gift enough? Gifts are to be given because a guest wants to give it, not because it is etiquette.

  12. Ashley added some style on May 29, 2008 | Permalink

    I found this article tremendously helpful and informative in its bluntness. I’m a concise writer myself and I do not see the point padding an article about wedding etiquette with the usual wedding niceties. If there are bits individuals disagree with, I see no problem. Different areas around the country have different customs, and what is considered acceptable varies as well. However. That said, I’m planning my wedding currently and have several on my calendar. I will Never turn down sound advice on the attendance of or hosting duties involved with a wedding.

  13. Monica O'Brien added some style on May 29, 2008 | Permalink

    Jen, I definitely agree with you on that. Especially at the ceremony, guests should leave the photography and videography to the professionals. This is important for both religious reasons if the wedding takes place in a church and also because the bride and groom will want professional photos of the special moments during their wedding.

    Gina, I agree with that. I think destination weddings are a whole different ballpark, and I wrote this more with traditional weddings in mind. Destination weddings are usually much smaller and the cost of attendance is a lot more. Thanks for bringing this up.

    Ashley, thank you. I really didn’t intend to ruffle anyone’s feathers with this article. It is certainly written from my perspective, and I live in Chicago which is much different than many places in the United States.

    So I apologize to those I offended, and I appreciate your feedback.

  14. Hillary added some style on June 1, 2008 | Permalink

    I found the “Don’t call the couple for a month” thing absurd.

    Most weddings I attend are friends or family. Why would I just stop calling them for a month just because they’re married?

    Once they get back from their honeymoon and have a few days to themselves, they’re going to want to get back to their lives which includes their friends and families. I really doubt they’d like all their friends and family to stop calling them for a whole month!

  15. Jayme added some style on June 1, 2008 | Permalink

    I completely agree that the whole gift section comes across as greedy and with a sense of entitlement. I’ve only been to a few weddings, but my gifts have always been the “something borrowed” or a song, or something handmade. I also think its retarded to think that if someone invites me to a wedding that I dont’ plan to attend, that I’m actually going to send a gift. I attend all weddings of people who are important to me. If I don’t attend, I probably don’t like the person as much as they think I do. Therefore, I would not waste time and money to get them a gift.

  16. shelly added some style on June 2, 2008 | Permalink

    This just reminded me of an episode of sex and the city where an old friend of Carries got married and had kids and invited Carrie to a party where her 485 dollar shoes were stolen. Carrie expected her old friend to replace the shoes (which I kinda thought was silly, they shouldn’t have come off her feet in the first place) Anyway the whole thing at the end when Carrie starts talking to her self as she writes her article, she talks about how ppl who decide they want to be single don’t get that special wedding treatment and no one gives them gifts just for being single. I don’t think because a couple gets married and wants you to be there to witness it automatically obligates you to give a gift. especially not one that costs as much as your plate. who knows how freaking expensive that could get. not everyone important to the bride and groom can afford the things ppl will put on registries. my best friend is getting married on the 7th and i’m the MOH, I know the bride and groom do not expect people who aren’t showing up for the wedding to get them a gift. and I know they won’t be hurt when ppl who attened don’t bring gifts. they will just be happy to share that day with everyone they love. i think most of your article sounded stuck up and you come off as someone who comes from money so all your friends do and you just have a different way of doing things. which is fine if you are happy like that. but these aren’t rules for everyone and it isn’t tacky to list where you are registered on the invite. anyway, you started out good, then it got obvious that you were recalling things that pissed you off at your wedding… which i think is tacky to bitch about online

  17. Harper added some style on June 2, 2008 | Permalink

    I am getting married in 12 days. I found the gift giving section offensive as well, although I see that it wasn’t intended to be.

    I agree with the other posters, having friends and family celebrate their union is what matters. In place of a gift a card of congratulations would be a nice alternative, and only a few bucks. It is also a nice way for the couple to look back on their day and remember everyone who was there if they forgot to sign the guest book.

    While I would never say ‘no’ to presents, they are certainly NOT expected. In weddings that I was involved in, my gift was doing everything from making favors to stuffing envelopes along with watching the couples dogs while they vacationed. Be creative people, it doesn’t have to be a material gift!!

  18. Monica O'Brien added some style on June 3, 2008 | Permalink

    What’s ironic about some of the comments is that if someone doesn’t agree with something I wrote, they have an example of when they did not follow that bullet point. Instead of questioning whether they are not practicing good etiquette, as suggested by numerous online sources, they reject all these tips.

    Also, it’s fine to not agree with certain points. But there’s no reason to personally attack someone you don’t know over the internet. If you don’t like the article, why would you continue to visit this site and contribute to the conversation?

    Please feel free to continue leaving comments, but I won’t be responding to any comments that fall into the two categories above, as this is response enough.

  19. lindsey added some style on June 4, 2008 | Permalink

    I LOVE IT!!!

  20. Tim added some style on June 5, 2008 | Permalink

    This list is horrendous. You act as if you are doing your guests a favor by inviting them. No, they are doing you a favor by even showing up. If you don’t want the added stress of extra e-mails, not getting the “perfect” gift, or not getting gifts at all, just go elope and forget the wedding!

    I can honestly tell you from a male perspective, probably 30% of the people going to your wedding probably don’t even want to be there, but you want them to succumb to your every whim? Get over yourself.

  21. Monica O'Brien added some style on June 5, 2008 | Permalink

    Lindsey, thanks!

    Tim, your male perspective is hilarious, and you are probably right that men don’t want to be at some weddings. Thanks for reading the entire article even if you aren’t a fan of weddings!

  22. Emily added some style on June 5, 2008 | Permalink

    Some of these comments are really rude and not at all constructive. I don’t think the author wrote this list to please each of you personally. Obviously I can’t claim to agree with it 100% but sometimes it’s good to know how other people are thinking. Overall, I enjoyed reading it and learned a bit as well. =)

  23. Martin added some style on June 6, 2008 | Permalink

    Thanks for the article, Monica, I found it via Stumbleupon. My fiancee and I will be married in the fall and it almost seems like this article is something that we would have written (especially the part about the RSVPs, argh!)

    Our number one reason for inviting people to our wedding is to share our day with them, not because we expect lavish gifts. Sadly not everyone does the same. Either way, receiving a gift from your registry rather than something random and unneeded is preferred.

    For those who have taken issue with this article, perhaps it was written with guests like you in mind?

  24. Missy added some style on June 6, 2008 | Permalink

    i love it love it love it! I am a wedding musician so I have been to a lot of weddings. Every time I see something I hate, or notice from guests, I lean over to my friend and I say “not at my wedding”. I HATE it when people take pictures at the ceremony with their shitty cameras. Its like come on, there is a photographer for a reason people, and this one time, the MOB brought a freaking disposable camera and was winding it. It was so loud!!! Ah i hate people with no wedding etiquette.

  25. Justin-YGG added some style on June 7, 2008 | Permalink

    Great List! Gave me a great refresher on some of the finer points as I have a good friends wedding to go to this summer.

    I will be definately refferring back to this list!

  26. Theo added some style on June 8, 2008 | Permalink

    As an experienced wedding photographer and part-time planner, I’d like to tell you that your list is great. I have seen too many clueless guests flaw an otherwise perfect wedding.

  27. Amber added some style on June 9, 2008 | Permalink

    I’m from Chicago as well, and I didn’t think your article was rude in the slightest. I imagine the people who are getting most upset about your direct and honest manner are the ones who don’t even send a congratulatory card (without money). The only thing I think may be a little off is number one under gifts. Perhaps a gift itself is not necessary, but acknowledgment of the occasion and congratulations are certainly in order.

  28. Mardi added some style on June 11, 2008 | Permalink

    Angie is wrong. Gifts are part of getting married, and there is an etiquette to them, just like everything else surrounding a wedding.

    Kudos to you for putting together a comprehensive set of rules and guidelines for guests! Thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I could share this with some of my guests who chose to ignore the “rules.” (There are people who CAME to the wedding who never sent a gift - not to mention those who DIDN’T come to the wedding and didn’t send a gift.)

    Anyway, thanks. :-)

  29. Mardi added some style on June 11, 2008 | Permalink

    Oh man, I didn’t even read the rest of these comments before replying. Tim seems really upset! People sometimes, huh?

    It is true that the wedding day is a day for the bride and groom ONLY. If guests don’t want to be there, they don’t have to come. But to be invited is an honor, particularly given the cost of a wedding. If the guests do come, they should follow the proper etiquette and respect the bride and groom’s wishes wholly.

    Again, I have been married in the past year and agreed with every single one of these points. Etiquette is etiquette, and those who do NOT follow it are rude. The etiquette itself is not rude, regardless of some people’s perception.

    Truly good job, Monica.

  30. Emma added some style on June 11, 2008 | Permalink

    Like many others, I do not feel that guests should be obligated to pay for the wedding with their gifts. Gifts should be within the budget of the attendees, not within the budget of the bride and groom.

    Also, I would have been so sad if people hadn’t talked to me for a month after my wedding! I wouldn’t have understood why all my friends and family suddenly ignored me.

    Other than that, I greatly enjoyed the article.

  31. Grace added some style on June 12, 2008 | Permalink

    Thanks for this article.

  32. Erin added some style on June 13, 2008 | Permalink

    I have to say, thank you for writing this article! I feel that, if someone has not actually experienced a wedding from the bride’s/groom’s perspective, then they really don’t understand how all of those etiquette rules matter. I don’t feel that you sounded stuck up or pretentious at all. Those who were offended by any part of it are probably those people who break the etiquette rules themselves anyway!

    I am getting married on June 21 (one week away!), and I must tell you, I wish I could forward this list to so many people…especially my grandmother! She really thinks that SHE is following etiquette rules, when in reality, she is only looking at my wedding from HER perspective and going by the etiquette rules from when she was married 50 years ago. I’m sorry, but times have changed!!

    One thing I would like to see added to this list is etiquette regarding out-of-town guests attending the rehearsal dinner. In my opinion, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner should only be attended by people directly involved in the wedding, IMMEDIATE family members, and their significant others. My grandmother, on the other hand, feels that anyone who travels from out-of-town deserves to be included in the rehearsal dinner. To do what? Rehearse how to eat?! About 75% of the people attending my wedding are traveling from far away to be a part of it, and I would love to include them in the dinner. But realistically, there is no way we could afford to feed all of them at the rehearsal on top of what we’re already spending on the wedding itself. I think most younger people, especially those who have experienced a wedding as a bride or groom, understand this point. But, it seems as though the older generation wants it down how it was done way back when!

    My solution to this problem is to make it clear to your guests who exactly is invited to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Then, invite people who may be interested in seeing the bride and groom that night to meet out for drinks at a local restaurant or bar later on. I think that most people understand that the bride and groom are already going to be pulled in a million directions during their wedding weekend, so they will try to be respectful of that. But a “gentle hint” to your guests won’t hurt!

    Remember that this is YOUR day, not your mom’s, your grandma’s, etc. I understand that you will feel like you have to oblige everyone’s requests, but it’s just not feasible. As “tacky” as this may sound, the only people’s opinions who I feel really matter are those who are contributing financially to the wedding. So if you’re not paying, then keep your opinions to yourself!!

    Ok, I’m off my soapbox now. Whew! That feels better!!! :)

  33. Ibrahim added some style on June 17, 2008 | Permalink

    Love the list, makes things clear. Thanks!

  34. Wes added some style on June 27, 2008 | Permalink

    I loved this list and wish every wedding attendee would read it. I am a future groom.

  35. Jay added some style on June 28, 2008 | Permalink

    My fiancee and I found your gift-giving section so offensive that it has inspired us to insert explicit directions within our invitation that we do not expect or want gifts; the gift is the person’s presence at the wedding. We are inviting 150 people, and feel this is the right thing to do. We already have plenty, and getting gifts would just be greedy.

  36. Jay added some style on June 30, 2008 | Permalink

    Note to Erin: Times have not changed. I have been an out-of-town guest at 10 or so weddings in the last 5 years; NEVER have I failed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner regardless of whether I was in the wedding party or not. You are wrong, the standard has not changed.

  37. Anna added some style on July 8, 2008 | Permalink

    Regarding the Sex and the City anecdote:
    Carrie expected her old friend to replace the shoes (which I kinda thought was silly, they shouldn’t have come off her feet in the first place)

    Carrie didn’t choose to take her shoes off. The hostess made everyone take off their shoes at the door because she was fearful of her guests bringing dirt into her home and harming her baby with it.

  38. Suzanne added some style on July 11, 2008 | Permalink

    The couple doesn’t need to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner–I understand that would be cost-prohibitive–but it would be considerate of them to provide ideas for ways their out-of-town guests, who have spent a significant amount of money just to get to the wedding (plus hotel, rental car, and gift costs), to spend the evening. Suggest area restaurants and events your friends/family might enjoy. I spent close to $700 to attend a wedding in Minneapolis last year and was miffed that the couple didn’t invite me (I’m family) and didn’t give any ideas for how to spend the evening in a city I’d never visited.

  39. Sibyl added some style on July 13, 2008 | Permalink

    Who wrote this a bridezilla? Honey, if its all about the money and gifts, then don’t invite people to your wedding. A wedding is about sharing and celebrating your love with the people who mean the most to you. Glad to see the people you care about only mean as much as the $$ they give you. This article is extremely offensive - and I was a bride recently!

  40. Lisa Baxter added some style on July 26, 2008 | Permalink

    I found myself breezing through the web and in an anxious state this evening. You see, my fiance`’s sister is getting married this coming Saturday and “what am I going to wear?” has been on the forefront of my list of priorities. I found your article to be both funny and informative. I have been a bride previously and have also attended many weddings, both as a guest and as a wedding party participant. The section in your article where you addressed appropriate dress for type/time of wedding was great but did not help me in my quest for information. The wedding that I am invited to is being held at a golf club and the ceremony is at 3:pm with the reception to follow later at 5:pm. Now, do I wear a floral/print at the ceremony and a cocktail dress in the evening?[if so,just in case, I bought two dresses(1 print & 1 black)and black patent leather sling-back plat-form pumps, w/6 inch heel and they look awesome with either dress.] Or, to play it safe , wear the little black dress to the ceremony and the reception?[it is here that I must add, the black dress is merrino wool and linen and the style is reminicent of Jacklyn Kennedy - O'Nassis. ie. very tailored, sleeveless, barely above the knee, lined with silk,very fitted,shoulders and neck are fully exposed.] To break up all the black linen I was considering wearing a wide black patent belt up and under my bust line as I have a long torso, small waist and a curvy booty,finishing it all up with the sling-back pumps. Black pearls ,ear/neck. Diamond tennis bracelette.And purse…Black patent clutch? I tell you in detail as my in-laws have never accepted me and to dress ‘wrong’ is another thing they would beat me over the head with!Please help me!? thanks, Lisa

  41. Stephanie added some style on August 26, 2008 | Permalink

    I swear I am never much of a flamer, but this list is one of the most entitled, self-important and otherwise outrageous things I’ve read in a good long time. Nobody owes you anything. Spare us.

  42. fornetti added some style on August 31, 2008 | Permalink

    I do not believe this

  43. Kim added some style on October 28, 2008 | Permalink

    I have been a part of quite a few weddings, including officiating at two. The list is a wonderful idea, and the way I took it was to think on it as an “Emily Post” type of list, being very formal and traditional/proper. However, all weddings and all couples do not conform to this single level of tradition and formality, and one should keep that in mind when reading ANY list like this.

    Some good friends of mine got married last month, and so many of these ‘rules’ were specifically disgarded byt he bride and groom — as is their right. However, they did some rule breaking themselves that I think made thigns harder for guests to be polite and proper; for instance, they did not register anywhere. Why? Because the gift they could really, really use the most was cash. Not in a greedy way, but in a “we just bought a home and our home is so cramped with everythign we already need or want, anythign anyone got for us would be superfluous” kind of way. I mean, their house is like a museum of their interests, it’s wonderful and amazing. And very crowded. They did not write on any ‘offical’ wedding communication that they preferred cash, it just went by word of mouth, and if anyone asked them or their family about where they were registered, they were told the couple preferred cash if at all possible. And they were gracious with whatever they got.

    But I can see the point of views of those who thought the article was a little high-handed; however, a little notice that this is a list of traditional and proper etiquette, and that not all wedding couples or wedding styles will be compatible with each and every one of the rules, and that common sense or even asking the bride and groom (or the wedding party/family) about certain points ahead of time would be best for all concerned, would do much to alleviate that.

    Monica, it’s a nice guideline list! Oh, and Gina, who said,on May 29th, 2008,”…If a guest travels to attend your wedding and must pay for travel and hotel accommodations, it is rude to expect a pricey gift as well,” your response was about destination weddings. I think Gina was referring to out-of-town guests and the (usually) huge expense it is for them to attend a wedding. I think also that there is something to be said for making sure these out of town guests have a little extra attention…nothing big, but having a bridesmaid, a groomsman or a local relative create a small information package on local restaurants and touristy things that might be of interest to out-of-towners is a nice touch. For instance, at the wedding I recently attended, there were attendees from the west coast (we are in the Hudson Valley of New York), and info was given to the west-coasters about some of their interests: free info was gotten on the Hudson Valley wineries to the wine lovers; tour info (again free) of West Point was given to the ex-military mavins; and the exhaustive list of local historical sites (Vanderbilt mansion, FDR’s library/Eleanor Rooseveldt’s home Val-Kill, Mills Mansion, Locust Grove and other Riverside mansions) were given to others. All the info was free, and the tourist places even sent discount coupons, in one case free admissions & another gave a 25% off coupon to an associated high-class restaurant. Each of the attendants were assigned an out-of-town guest to find out what might interest them & get the tourist info. It worked out well, and gave the visitors someone in the bridal party to talk to at the wedding besides family they already knew.

  44. Joy added some style on November 8, 2008 | Permalink

    The list does seem a bit pretentious and snobby at first, but think of it this way - it’s not about what the bride and groom are *expecting* you to do, it’s about things you as a guest can *choose* to do to make their life easier and their day more special.

    Having said that, if they do actually ask you to do something, please do it! We made it very clear that we didn’t want young children at our wedding and my sister-in-law brought her two along regardless. Now that’s just rude.

  45. kate added some style on November 10, 2008 | Permalink

    For anyone who thinks that having out-of-town guests at the rehearsal dinner is old and outdated, think again. It’s considered proper etiquette (and just plain polite!) to invite people who are traveling from out of town to be with you for your wedding. Martha Stewart’s website, as well as The Knot and several other wedding websites back me up on that.

    Also, while I agree that the gift giving section (as well as the rest of the article) had a terribly snobby tone, the point that stood out to me the most was the one about giving gifts that are of equal (or greater!!) value as the number of people you’ve RSVPed for multiplied by the cost of the dinner plate. Think about how ridiculous that sounds and how unrealistic it would be to expect a family of 5, traveling from out of town, to bring a gift worth anywhere from 300-500 dollars. That’s absolutely absurd and I’ve never heard of anyone sticking to such a rule. The one other time I even heard anyone dare suggest this ‘rule’ was on MTV when True Life did a show about getting married. The couple was going way over budget and into debt to have their wedding, and they made it clear to anyone who asked that they expected to get gifts that would allow them to “break even” on the food/alcohol. You do not throw a wedding with the purpose of BREAKING EVEN! You should (and can) expect to owe money and/or be in debt, depending on the size of your wedding and your (in)ability to stick to a budget. Inviting a married couple and expecting them to bring a gift that will cover the cost of their dinner is the silliest and most naive thing I’ve seen in awhile regarding weddings. Any wedding planner will tell you the same. For people thinking otherwise - get over yourself!

  46. Nikki added some style on November 11, 2008 | Permalink

    I did NOT find the tone of this article to be inappropriate. It is well written and everything on there is accurate. I think people are a little confused. This is ettiquette for the guests not the bride and groom. The bride and groom should never expect gifts. That is not what the day is about. But a guest should never attend without a gift unless financial situations warrant this (in that case, I’m sure the bride and groom are aware anyways). As for the price of the gift, I have ALWAYS been taught that it should be at least the cost of your plate. Maybe this is one of those things that changes from region to region. In my area this is proper ettiquette, and in most areas it is as well. Anyone who disagrees should suggest otherwise on Yahoo Answers and see how they get chewed out by people from all over the world.

  47. kate added some style on November 16, 2008 | Permalink

    Changes from region to region? Including friends, coworkers, and family (I have a large extended family - each of my parents have 5+ siblings), I’ve been to 19 weddings in the last 7 years. I’ve attended weddings in the midwest, the southeast, New England, California, and two in Europe, and it’s always been the same everywhere I’ve gone.

    I have never EVER been to a wedding where the guests attending brought gifts that were equal or greater value of the cost of their plate X the number of people on their RSVP.

    My younger brother was married last month in Chicago, and it was one of the most expensive weddings I’ve ever been part of. 200 guests + wedding expenses of 250K = approximately $1250/guest. I realize that includes more than food, but food alone was about $350/head. My sister-in-law and my brother never expected or anticipated getting any gifts from single guests worth that much, or more from families and couples who attended.

    Like I said before, planning a wedding with the idea of somehow “breaking even” is ridiculous and tacky. All that aside, how the heck is a guest expected to know PRIOR TO ATTENDING A WEDDING what the cost per plate is expected to be? Call the reception hall? What if, like several weddings I’ve been to, the caterer is not affiliated in any way with the reception hall? What should they do - call the bride’s parents or wedding planner and ask the cost per plate? I can’t believe anyone would suggest such a thing, as the last thing the parents of the bride (or whoever is paying for the wedding) probably want to do is discuss the cost of any aspect of the wedding with a guest.

  48. Sian added some style on December 27, 2008 | Permalink

    Wow, I found your article incredibly irritating. A wedding should be about the joining of two people, not about how their guests should pander to their vanities and behave themselves at all times. All that jazz about ‘if just you are invited, you should be happy to have been invited at all’ - hahahaha yeah really most single people love coming to weddings to talk to your ugly relatives when they could be out having a good time with people they actually like. What a drag, I bet all the guests at your wedding couldn’t wait to leave.

    I can see how you’ve tried to come up with a good list, but perhaps you should think about the fact that you chose to spend so much money on what is essentially a big party, and most of your guests don’t even want to be there because it’s both expensive and usually pretty dull…

  49. Nicola added some style on December 30, 2008 | Permalink

    Many helpful tips here, but to echo other sentiments in the comments (and speaking as someone married 15 years and been to and part of many weddings) you may want to rethink how you are looking at parts of this event.
    It is a monumental one, to be sure. How lucky you are to have found love! Beyond that, to have the resources to celebrate in grand style. Beyond that, to know too many people to be able to include them all. Even beyond that, to have many of the people who do come wanting to speak with you, photograph your happiness, hand you their gift in person, choose something original that makes them think of you. These are the real gifts, all these things. Many gifts you get at your wedding will be gone by the tenth anniversary. Broken, lost, worn out…whatever. Sadly, some of the people will be gone, too. It is kind of sad to think of newlyweds opening gifts that come from the heart and mentally calculating their dollar value, judging their usefulness. People give presents as a gesture of kindness, not a price of admission. The real gift you are given are the people who are traveling to see you (which costs a lot these days!), perhaps investing in new clothes and shoes for the occasion, making room in their busy lives for a chance to bear witness your expression of love to one another. You are blessed, simply by having them there. You matter to people. On the list of Gifts Received in your wedding book, write that first on your list.
    I wish you joy, wisdom, love, forgiveness and laughter!

  50. Dee added some style on December 30, 2008 | Permalink

    I got married 4 years ago, and I considered every gift I received as a “bonus.” I truely felt that a guest’s presence was present enough and enjoyed having all my friends and family together to celebrate. Anyone who expects each guest to “pay” for their meal with a gift is being selfish and ridiculous. You also have no idea how much people really can afford, and to expect a certain level of gift is silly. If they get you something that’s not on your registry, and you don’t like it, donate it to a charity or give it to someone who will appreciate it! What is the big deal????

  51. Grace added some style on December 31, 2008 | Permalink

    Wow, this was an incredibly rude article. I was really hoping it would be informative, but I ended up being offended by most of it. I have been married for almost 10 years now and this is not how my wedding went. Our invitations clearly said that we did not want a gift from anyone who attended. We got a few people who ignored that, but most people accepted our wishes and respected them by not getting us gifts. Even if we had allowed gifts, I have no idea how they would have calculated how much to spend based on these rules. You say to give a gift based on how much we spent to feed you, but our guests brought the food. We had a pot luck dinner and everyone loved it. It was cheap and it was sort of like a gift from our guests. We came nowhere near breaking even, we had money left over. We spent 3 years saving up money so we could have a wedding without debt, and I even helped pay for some transportation costs. I’m glad I read this after my wedding, because it would have been no help at all. I hope you didn’t spend much time on this article, because I would consider it a wasted effort.

  52. Brittany added some style on December 31, 2008 | Permalink

    To me the most important aspect of this list and the area in which I feel guests are most inconsiderate is the RSVP. Of all the things on this list, it stands to ‘mess up’ the wedding the most. Some guests do not seem to realize the importance of the deadline. And please do NOT show up to the wedding without sending in your RSVP card in kind and expect to be accommodated! And if there are separate RSVPs for the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, or a send-off brunch the next day, etc, SEND THEM ALL. They are often being coordinated by different people.

    I live in the South, where wedding etiquette is taken pretty seriously. IMO, the gift-giving section is a little out of bounds. I do think it is proper etiquette for guests to bring a gift, with there certainly being exceptions for those with financial difficulties (main reason for the importance of a wide range of price points in a registry). At the very least, a handwritten note of congratulations is expected. However, I do NOT believe it’s proper etiquette for guests to determine a price range for their gift correlated to the price of the guest’s food. I would be offended if one of my guests was trying to find out the cost of their plate and it would be considered in very poor taste to intentionally make that information known to guests. Bottom line, be gracious and appreciative of any and all gifts, even from “Those Who Don’t Know”.

    The only situation where it may be appropriate for a guest to attempt to compensate for the price of their meal is if the guest RSVP’d they would come and then did not show up, which goes back to my original point- the staggering importance of RSVP etiquette!!!

  53. C. L. Jorgensen added some style on December 31, 2008 | Permalink

    I am so looking forward to next year’s Divorce Etiquette article after your husband dumps your insufferable ass. You should try to learn something before your next marriage.

  54. jehingr added some style on January 1, 2009 | Permalink

    What a stuck up snob you are! If this is your idea of improving your writing - well just stick to calculating the value of your gifts, you suck as a writer and as a person.

    Apparently you think that the only reason to invite somebody to your wedding is to score loot!

    I predict an 18-month marriage followed by a hotly contested divorce. And I hope he takes you to the cleaners.

  55. Michelle added some style on January 1, 2009 | Permalink

    Wow. I would totally not be friends with someone like you. There are some good points, but the rude ones far out-weigh them. This article sounds like it was written by a gold-digger, who has gold-digger friends.

    - Happily married for 8 years and had a beautiful wedding

  56. Grace added some style on January 1, 2009 | Permalink

    You say you are a recent newlywed who wrote this after discussing with your husband and soon-to-be married friends.

    I’m curious to know your opinion on weddings after you’ve been married for a few years, maybe had some children and have attended all the cookie-cutter weddings of your soon-to-be-married. I think you may find that all weddings are the same. Predictable, boring, costly and only really “special” to the bride, groom and their parents. Being invited to a wedding soon becomes a burden, not an honor.

  57. selita added some style on January 1, 2009 | Permalink

    I’m stunned and appalled at your article. Way to sound greedy and like a gold-digger who’s only in it for the gifts. I’ve been married 15yrs almost 16yrs and it isn’t about who got you what present it’s about making your relationship work for the long haul. And I’ll be damned if my daughters ever tried to pull a stunt like what this article even suggests. I was always taught to be gracious at what you are given, which is what I am teaching my daughters also.

  58. c added some style on January 2, 2009 | Permalink

    i give your marriage 2 yrs tops, and that’s being generous after a ridiculous article like this.

  59. erik added some style on January 4, 2009 | Permalink

    Get over yourselves

  60. MNPundit added some style on January 15, 2009 | Permalink

    Wow. I hate weddings and after reading this list I will continue to avoid them like the plague.

    Ridiculous exercises regardless.

    The only thing I agree with is the stuff about kids. Kids are really really annoying at weddings.

  61. emmi added some style on January 15, 2009 | Permalink

    Um, did you do any research at all? Like, oh, say the standard reference for these things . . . Miss Manners? You are way off on several of these. For example, customarily, one has a year to get the couple a gift. If your clued-in friends are familiar with real tradition and they pizz you off so you hate them forever, just realize that it could be why.

  62. roseyv added some style on January 15, 2009 | Permalink

    To your credit, seventeen of the first eighteen points are smack on-target, and would apply to any invitation, not just a wedding invitation. And most of the points on dress and general decorum at the ceremony/reception are just basic common sense. Then you get on to the subject of gifts, and, wow. You really don’t have a clue, do you? What an unbelievably classless, tasteless, vulgar display of narcissism and greed. I don’t suppose you can be blamed for this one:

    “The gift should be worth at least the # of people you’ve RSVP’ed x the cost of one person’s plate for the reception.”

    Horrifying as it is, I know this particular bit of nonsense has been floating around for about ten years now, and from a purely mercenary point of view, it does sort of sound like it makes sense, so it’s possible that a younger person who wasn’t raised with an understanding of etiquette might assume there was some validity to it.

    Unfortunately, the purpose of your wedding is not to turn a profit. Yes, a wedding is expensive. So is buying a house, which is why many people choose to live in apartments until they can afford to do so. If you can’t afford to have a big, expensive wedding, have a smaller, less expensive one, or wait a few years. Don’t expect your guests to foot the bill for your living beyond your means. A gift — any gift — is a lovely, thoughtful, voluntary gesture, not a mandatory obligation.

    Most people with any sense of basic courtesy will bring a gift to your wedding. The idea that those gifts are required — by good manners no less! — to meet a minimum standard of expense in order to be acceptable is not only completely untrue, but almost unbelievably tacky.

    I could basically go point-by-point on most of the other items in this section, but I won’t bother, because I’m guessing you’ve rationalized this so thoroughly it’d just bounce off you without making a dent. Fashions may come and go, but self-serving delusion is forever.

    Oh, and by the way, from the comments: “many people are clueless about how to show appreciation for being invited to a wedding.”

    Yup. Many people are clueless about a lot of things.

  63. NJ added some style on January 24, 2009 | Permalink

    I agree with maybe one third of this list - the rest is either repetitive or marked for idiots. Boy, talk about stressing people out! Did you get married or host a ball at the White House?

    I’d hate to think someone under-gifted you or dressed inappropriately at your reception - it sounds like they would have been immediately dismissed from the party - and your Christmas card list.

    I got married two years ago. I listed my registry on the invite (gasp!. I had people RSVP yes and not show up (gasp!). I had people under-gift, give us gift cards AND gift from somewhere other than my registry (gasp! gasp! gasp!). I had people dance with and take more than one picture with me (gasp!) I had people get drunk, dress as they thought they should (without instruction - because they’re not FIVE YEARS OLD), dance with the band, yell, scream, shout with joy, hang at my table, take pictures of the ceremony (without asking - GASP), wear white, arrive late, arrive early…amazingly, with all of these ‘mis-steps’ I had the best time ever because my wedding/reception was not about formalities - it was about sharing a moment with all of the people I love in this world.

    I sure hope that’s how your day went, but it sounds like you spent the night walking about with a pen and notepad gathering material for this ridiculous list.

  64. Courtney added some style on January 26, 2009 | Permalink

    I like this list because despite the fact that I might not personally agree with it all - now I know how some of my guests might feel about wedding etiquette. This information will help me to make sure the wedding is as enjoyable for them as it was for me. (I know for a fact some friends have grown up with these customs).

    I’d also like to comment on Erin’s out-of-town debate. I agree that etiquette dictates that she invite all out of town guests to the rehearsal (that might have been something to consider before planning the event). However, we don’t know her unique situation - perhaps her and hubby are paying for the event themselves (which should be obvious from the invite wording) and then her out-of-town guests might be more understanding. Either way, you should entertain your guests to some degree since they are likely unfamiliar with the area. Maybe get tickets to a local playhouse?

    At any rate, kudos to Marion for sharing her etiquette tips.

  65. Ash added some style on February 5, 2009 | Permalink

    What a snotty load of crap. Bookmarking this as the exact opposite of how I want my wedding to be.

  66. magnet added some style on February 6, 2009 | Permalink

    Nice tips for wedding etiquette!! Etiquette for wedding guests! I like the part relating to RSVPs, but the gift section is inappropriate. I do not expect gifts just because I invited someone.We had educated. If all of this tips was less about the gifts and more about respecting the union of two people who love one another, it would be a good list.

  67. weddingsydney added some style on February 8, 2009 | Permalink

    its a nice list..thanks for this..

  68. wi added some style on March 6, 2009 | Permalink

    Your gift section smacks of greed. I doubt Emily Post or other etiquette experts would agree that you MUST cover the cost of your plate. I would never expect my guests to call the reception hall to figure out how much I was spending on their plate! I also think it’s impossible to know a guest’s true financial situation.
    And I have known people who invite out-of-town guests hoping that they won’t attend and just send a gift.
    Your list just encourages bad, greedy behavior.

  69. Katja added some style on June 14, 2009 | Permalink

    Last time I met a friend in the city our wedding will take place in (she lives there), she tried to pressure me into providing child care in the evening of our wedding party.

    There is no room we could it in, there would be 70 children altogether (110 guestes), her child is not even 3 years old - and we as the hosts just don’t want children on our wedding dinner and dance. (15 children will attend in the afternoon). We said almost all of that on our wedding website.

    However, my friend went on to suggest she could give me the contact details of a babysitter agency. On our website I have listed various sitters myself - for the parents. When I said, there is no room, she asked if there was possibly a room somewhere else in the building!

    I wished she would have read this list. I don’t agree with every single detail, but it seems some guests/parents just have lost all decency these days. So I am grateful to anything that gives people advise on how to behave, as knowledge about that seems to have gone missing.

  70. Sandra added some style on July 8, 2009 | Permalink

    I enjoyed the article a ton honestly. i do agree with some of the posters here when they say that it does honestly come across as pretentious and a bit stuck up, but it’s genuinly good advice to start with. I WILL be taking some of the points on here and placing them on custom cards to be handed out to guests when they are seated simply because at the one wedding i attended I was truly appaled by the way some people acted at my cousins wedding a few years ago.

    It is a very important celebration, a wedding. And I believe that yes, you should follow certain rules. My fiance and i are getting married October 17th and are having an outdoor masquerade themed wedding and reception. I expect my guests to act accordingly and with etiquette when they attend my wedding.

    before you harp on me for this, let me say one thing. No, I do not come from a rich family. My wedding is all paid for out of pocket, and I have already had to scrap a ton of things I wanted, because I simply cannot afford it. But just because the wedding has to be cheap, doesn’t mean the guests have to be. i’m already in enough trouble because i am asking people to give us monetary gifts to help us pay it all off, and so that we can have a honeymoon. And further more, a lot of my family are already angry at me because I absolutely do NOT want children under the age of 13 at my wedding. (personally I believe that a wedding is no place for children, and i am going through a lot of trouble to make this an extremely “High Society” type of thing, and a lot of trouble researching the old Italian masquerades that were held in Venice because i LOVE my fiance’s heritage.)

    so what i’m trying to say is this: The article, like the author stated, is supposed to be a starting point, something to get those attending a wedding to think about how they have acted before, and how they can behave better. Yes, it was a bit stuck up, but honestly people, you should just get past it and accept that these are all fairly reasonable expectations… especially when you think about the fact that a wedding is NOT like a birthday party, a baby shower or any of those things. A LOT more time and money is spent to make them the biggest day of both the bride and grooms life. You should be respectful of that.

  71. Wedding Photographer Edinburgh added some style on July 14, 2009 | Permalink

    This all sounds a bit like a military operation. As far as I am concerned weddings are meant to be fun - for everyone!

  72. anna added some style on September 5, 2009 | Permalink

    I didn’t even get to read the gift section, but as far as i can tell by comments, I would have agreed with her. Maybe I’m greedy but when i got married, i was sorely disappointed with the gifts, i got jack. The way i saw it, my husband and i are starting our our new lives, and wouldn’t you want to help out? I would. When one of my friends or family gets married, i get them at least 3 things, and not like 3 napkins or three towels, items that are aren’t less than 10 bucks, i want to help them out.

    And, yes, get things off the registry!. My husband and i despise walmart, so guess what, we didn’t register there. But lo and behold, people got us stuff from there, and i hated it. It is annoying when people think “oh, they’ll love this, it’s not there list…but i’ll get in anyway”

    anyway, i agree with the article. wish i was able to see the gift part though.

2 Trackbacks

  1. Enraged to be married « U R B Z E N on December 29, 2008

    [...] a supporting role. With that in mind, and with a serious debt of ingratitude to what has to be the single most horrifying list of wedding etiquette in history, I drafted a form letter that I plan to include with every wedding RSVP I send from this point [...]

  2. Wedding Gift Etiquette: Is your presence present enough? | Bride.net - wedding, marriage and bridal news and reviews on December 31, 2008

    [...] She also included a link to the “single most horrifying list of wedding etiquette in history.” [...]

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